Proverbs 31 "The Excellent Wife"

Who is Lemuel?

We do not know.

He was a king (some suggest that this is an alternate name for Solomon,

but there is no evidence for this).

Plainly, it is not important for us to know who he was.

Proverbs 31 has two parts:

the excellent king and the excellent wife.

The connection between them is found in the parallels between verse 9

"Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy"

and verse 20:

"She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy."

And verse 26

"She opens her mouth with wisdom..."

The excellent wife, like the excellent king, is a teacher of wisdom.

1. The Excellent King (31:1-9)

Lemuel's mother warns him against two evils,

and urges him to speak righteously.

First, she warns him not to give his strength to women-

"those who destroy kings."

David and Solomon looms large in the background here.

David got into a great deal of trouble with women-

and Solomon was destroyed by women.

And so Lemuel's mother warns him of giving his strength to women.

The second line is crucial for understanding what this means:

"your ways"

Proverbs has spoken much of "the way" of the righteous, and the "way" of the wicked.

There is the way of wisdom and the way of folly.

If you give your ways to women,

then you are a fool.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding;

in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov 3:4-5)

Commit your ways to the LORD-not to women.

Let him direct your paths-and do not follow the desires of the flesh,

but walk by the Spirit!

Second, Lemuel's mother warns him

It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine,

or for rulers to take strong drink,

lest they drink and forget what has been decreed

and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.

If the king is drunk,

then anything can happen.

A drunken king can ruin an innocent life.

He may regret it in the morning,

but he is the king, and it is too late.

This is echoed by Paul in his requirement that a bishop must not be a drunkard,

and a deacon must not be "addicted to much wine." (1 Tim 3:3, 8)

If you are in a position of authority,

then you must not allow yourself to get drunk.

I never know when someone will call and need counsel.

If I am drunk, then I will be unable to give wise counsel to one in need.

The next line, however, suggests that there is a time to get tipsy:

Give strong drink to one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress;

let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.

We are familiar with the commands in Deuteronomy to drink wine and strong drink

in times of rejoicing (Dt 14:26),

but Lemuel's mother points out that there is also a time to drown your sorrows!

And the king is commanded to "give" wine and strong drink to those in need.

(I would note in passing that this could be used to argue for biblical support

for a state-funded healthcare system at least for the poor--

not that scripture "requires" it,

but that wisdom calls upon rulers to provide medicine for the poor)

Lemuel's mother then urges her son to

Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.

Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

A wise and righteous ruler will be zealous to protect the weak and helpless.

In all these matters, Jesus proves himself to be the wise and righteous king.

As we'll be seeing in Luke's gospel,

Jesus defends the rights of the poor and needy-

he protects the downtrodden.

And he calls us to do the same.

Whether the rulers of our country do a good job of this or not,

we are called, as those who are in Christ, to defend the rights of the poor and needy.

2. The Excellent Wife (31:10-31)

This poem is an acrostic.

Its 22 verses each begin with successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet.

We often think of Proverbs 31 as a poem for women,

describing what a Christian woman should aspire to be.

And it certainly is useful in that way.

But the poem functions as the conclusion of Proverbs-

a book written for young men who are beginning on the way of life.

Whether it is seen as the words that Lemuel's mother taught him,

or as the father of chapters 1-9 telling his son what to look for in a woman,

we should not forget that the key to this chapter is "her husband" (in verses 11, 23, and 28).

A) The Heart of Her Husband Trusts in Her

Consider this remarkable woman:

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

What does this mean?

This is an economic statement.

In the Sex and the City of God study we saw that the word "economy"

comes from the Greek word for "household" (oikonomenos).

And here we see confirmation that in the ancient world

the household was the basic economic unit.

There is here no idea of the wife as a "consumer" who is not economically productive.

Look at what she does:

She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.

She is diligent and hard working.

She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.

She wants the best and finest things for her husband.

She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

We need to recognize that this is speaking of a time when the "household"

consisted of dozens, and in some cases, hundreds of people.

She is not a housewife in a modern, nuclear family.

She is the lady of a great house.

And although she has high status, and has many servants,

she is not lazy-she is not what Amos referred to as the "cows of Bashan"

who do not move from their couches and say to their husbands,

"bring, that we may drink!" (Amos 4:1)

Although she is a "mighty woman" she does not think of herself as one to be served,

but who herself serves even her own maidens.

In other words, she is a picture of Christ.

She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Too often we read too much into this.

I've heard many preachers say,

"ah, well, of course she consulted with her husband first!"

That is not what the passage says-neither is it what the passage means.

Lemuel's mother has already pointed out that she does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

So when she buys the field, she is doing it for his good-

and he praises her for her diligence and wisdom in doing it!

She dresses herself with strength (literally, "girds her loins") and makes her arms strong.

If this were a man we would say that she is preparing herself for battle.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.

In other words, she is like a merchant.

(And this does not mean that she never sleeps-but rather that she never runs out of oil)

She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.

This may sound rather domestic (and no doubt it has that aspect as well),

but there are pictures from the ancient near east of a warrior goddess,

whose weapon is the distaff.

And in light of her girding her loins and making her arms strong,

this would suggest that the excellent wife is a powerful woman

who calls up images of Deborah and Jael, not just some quiet domestic type!

She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

In light of the first part of the chapter,

this demonstrates that the excellent wife looks very much like an excellent king!

And this imagery is only further substantiated by verses 21-22:

She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

The excellent wife is a royal wife, arrayed in fine linen and purple.

B) Her Husband Is Known in the Gates

By the time you get to verse 23, you are beginning to wonder where the husband is in all of this.

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

He has such a great reputation because of her!

And no, it is not because she takes care of all the household chores,

so that he has the time to make himself great.

The very clear impression that Proverbs 31 gives us

is that his reputation has come from her work!

She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

And she is a teacher as well!

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Again, she is like the excellent king.

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Conclusion: Wisdom and the Excellent Wife

What does Proverbs 31 say to us today?

It would be easy for many women to hear this and despair!

There is no way that I could do all that!!

That is true-partly because you do not have household servants at your command!

But even more because the excellent wife of Proverbs 31 is the ideal woman.

In Proverbs 1-9 the father told his son to spend his life with Lady Wisdom.

He was told to devote himself to her-and that if he (in effect) married Wisdom,

he would find life.

Lady Wisdom is now given form in Proverbs 31.

In the beginning God created man-adam.

And he made adam male and female.

Male and female together constitute the image of God.

And here in Proverbs 31 we hear of how woman reflects God's image.

She reflects God's image in precisely the same ways that men do.

Perhaps it would be useful to ask,

"What is missing in Proverbs 31?"

Given the OT emphasis on bearing children-on the "seed"--

I find it remarkable that only one verse in this entire passage refers to her children.

Proverbs 31 does not say that bearing children is unimportant,

but it certainly does not present bearing children as woman's central task.

Her central task is found in verse 12:

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

In other words, Eve is the antithesis of the excellent wife.

The first thing we hear of Eve is that she does Adam harm.

And throughout the OT, as God speaks of Jerusalem as his "wife,"

we hear of the unfaithfulness of Zion-how the city of God has played the harlot.

This is why Jesus comes to lay down his life for his bride.

He must come, as the second Adam, to lay down his life for his wife.

And now we, as the bride of Christ,

are called to be the excellent wife to him!

We are to be a diligent and faithful wife,

who devote ourselves to "doing him good and not harm," all of our days.

Christ, our bridegroom, is to be known in gates!

We, as a church, are to speak wisdom and teach kindness.

And Proverbs 31 still speaks to each household as well.

The economy has changed.

The days of the household economy are over.

I hope that our brief overview of Proverbs 31 made it clear

that women should not be simply "consumers."

The idea that it is the man's job to produce, and the woman's job to consume

is foreign to biblical thought.

The task to fill the earth and subdue it was given to adam as male and female.

Your calling, as husband and wife, is to figure out the best way

to further the kingdom of Christ together.

The husband of Proverbs 31 does not appear to be the sole source of income!

His role as an elder in the city gates certainly would be a productive role-

much business was conducted there-

but it is important to note that his ability to function as an elder

is due primarily to his wife's efficiency in running the family business.

I have known pastor's wives who have enabled their husbands to restore struggling churches

because the wife could bring in a substantial income.

(I should note that this was when the kids were older)

An excellent wife can make an elder-

just as a quarreling wife can break an elder!

(Think of how Jezebel brought ruin on Ahab!)

Proverbs 31 should remind us that our culture's standards-

whether the dominant culture where the two shall remain on their own separate career paths,

or the evangelical subculture where the wife shall stay at home and be domestic-

these are not the standards of the Word of God.

The two shall become one flesh.

Your household needs to have one purpose.

You need to have a common way of thinking, and knowing, and speaking, and doing.

Your unity as one flesh needs to be expressed in action as well as purpose.

Women,

Are you doing your husband good?

There is a way of doing that which emasculates-where you take over and run the show.

That is not doing him any good!

But then there is that way of speaking to and about him that builds him up.