What does a godly home look like?

I have some very dear friends in Philadelphia who have a godly home.

Their children are now grown up,

but even in their teen years, they loved to spend time with their parents.

The children even went to boarding school

during part of their high school years.

Then they went off to college in California and Illinois.

One married a fellow from South Carolina.

You would think that they would be scattered all over the country.

But now they all want to move back to the same little hick town

that they grew up in.

The kids think of their parents as their best friends,

and their parents think of their kids as their best friends.

How did they do that?

I would suggest that Colossians 3 tells us how.

Since you've been raised with Christ,

and are a new man in him,

this should affect everything you do.

1) Children--obey your parents in all things

1. Why? Because this makes God happy--it is well-pleasing to him.

Where do we learn about how children should obey their parents?

What example should children take?

Turn with me to Mark chapter 1

In verse 1 we hear that this is the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

In verse 9 we hear of the baptism of Jesus (read 9-11)

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit

are all present at the Jordan River

--and God the Father declares that Jesus Christ is his beloved Son,

in whom He is well-pleased. (eudokia--euareston)

Jesus Christ is the pleasing child

Why does God say that he is well-pleased with Jesus?

Because Jesus has come to earth for a purpose

--the purpose of saving his people.

And now, here at the Jordan River,

Jesus is beginning his public ministry.

He is setting forth on the road which God had prepared for him.

At his baptism in the Jordan,

God the Father sends the Holy Spirit to anoint him for his mission on earth.

Jesus receives the anointing of the Spirit

so that he might obey all that his Father has told him to do.

In the OT, prophets, priests and kings were anointed with oil.

Think of Samuel coming to David, and anointing him with oil.

Priests were also washed with water before they could enter the Holy Place.

And so here,

Jesus is washed with water,

and anointed with the Holy Spirit,

so that he might begin his ministry as prophet, priest and king.

And as Jesus receives the gift of the Holy Spirit,

God declares that this is His Son--in whom He is well-pleased.

But here in Colossians,

Paul declares that the children who are in the congregation

are also to be pleasing to God.

Did you know, kids,

that God speaks not only to adults, but also to you.

God speaks to you in his Word,

and tells you that there is a way that you can make Him happy.

How can you make God happy?

Well, Paul has just told us that we have died with Christ,

that means that our old, selfish nature is no longer what controls us.

And Paul has told us that we have put on a new man;

that Jesus Christ is our new life.

This may sound kind of strange.

Let me put it this way:

Who are you?

What is your name?

Whose child are you?

If you are in Christ,

then you have had the Name of Jesus placed upon you.

You belong to God,

and He is your Father.

So to have new life in Christ,

means that you have a new family.

it means that you have a new name!

You are not only a child of your parents,

you are also a son or daughter of God.

Let me ask all you kids a question:

Why do you obey your parents?

I know.

"because I have to,"

or "if I don't, I'll get it"

Those are lousy reasons.

For those of you who are trying to get the "right" answer,

you'll probably say, "because God tells me to."

And that is correct--but it's missing at least half the point.

Why do you obey your parents?

If we listen to the apostle Paul,

he tells us that we are to do all things in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through Him. (v17)

And then a couple verses later he says, "Children obey your parents in all things..."

Why do you obey your parents?

It's not because your parents are perfect.

You probably know this already,

but your parents are sinners.

There are times when they will sin against you.

There are times when they will do things which are wrong and sinful.

Sometimes they may be too strict.

Sometimes they may be inconsistent.

Sometimes they may be completely insensitive to what you what.

Now, I know that it's hard!

Your parents have virtually complete control over your life,

and there are times when they are going to fail.

But you do not obey your parents because they somehow deserve your obedience

Rather, you obey your parents because Jesus Christ deserves everything.

What will you do?

When your father gets upset and yells at you for something you did wrong,

what will you do?

He is sinning--he is not supposed to yell at you.

If you have sinned, then he should rebuke you,

but he should rebuke you with gentleness and kindness

(as Paul says in v12).

So when your mom explodes with anger,

what will you do?

Will you respond with kindness and humility,

confessing your fault,

and asking for her forgiveness?

You see,

when someone sins against you,

you don't have to respond sinfully, by getting upset at them.

In fact, if you have been given new life in Christ,

then you should respond to others in the same way that Jesus did.

When he hung there on the cross,

he forgave his enemies!

Paul tells us that your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

This means that the same Jesus who forgave his enemies from the cross,

is now dwelling in you,

giving you new life,

and enabling you to forgive your parents when they sin.

Okay,

But there are other times when you are the one who is sinning.

There are times when you are being a disobedient brat!

Oh, no, not you--I'm sure the kids in this congregation NEVER get in trouble!

Right.

You're not perfect.

And this means that there are times when you are disobedient,

which means that there are times when you ARE NOT pleasing to the Lord.

There are times when he looks at you and shakes his head,

times when God Almighty is not happy with you.

That's the obvious implication of verse 20.

You probably remember Sunday School lessons

where the teacher simply told you to obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Now that's true.

But there's something missing in that way of saying it.

What's missing is Christ.

This is where a covenantal understanding of children is so important.

If our children are in Christ,

then we can read Colossians 3 and tell them that

because they have put on the new man in Christ,

because they have died with Christ

and been raised with him into newness of life,

THEREFORE they are to obey their parents because of what God has done for them.

But if our children are outside of Christ,

then all we have to offer them is the LAW.

All we can do is try to drive them to Christ.

But that's not what Paul does here.

Paul addresses the children of the congregation

just like he does the parents, the servants, the masters, the spouses.

Paul tells them to do whatever they do in the name of Jesus Christ,

giving thanks to God the Father through HIM.

Your obedience, children,

is not the obedience of the Law,

--you are not commanded to mindlessly obey--

Rather your obedience is the obedience of faith.

You are called to walk in newness of life,

taking off the clothing of anger and filthy language,

putting on the clothing of kindness, mercy, patience, and forgiveness.

You are called to be who Christ has remade you to be.

You obey your parents,

not because they deserve it.

But because Christ deserves it.

Some of you kids really aren't kids anymore.

You teens are at an age where you will have to make decisions for yourself.

Your relationship with your parents is changing,

and there are lots of struggles that go along with that.

Your faith is something you have been given.

That's the way it is,

and that's the way it should be.

A child must be taught--even how to have faith.

But the question is whether you will now continue to walk in that faith,

or whether you will reject the gospel which you have been taught.

There is no other option.

There is no way to walk the fence.

In the Book of Proverbs we hear about the Wise man and the Fool.

The Wise man continues to walk in the path which his wise parents taught him.

The Fool ignores the counsel of his parents.

There is a third character in the Book of Proverbs--the Simple.

The Simple is someone who hasn't made up his mind yet.

The Simple is someone who wants to wait a while before committing himself.

Turn to Proverbs 7:6 (read through 27)

If you do not listen to wisdom, this will be your path.

I don't care how strong you are.

I don't care how intelligent you are.

I don't care how good looking you are.

There is no life worth living apart from Christ.

Christ speaks through the voice of Wisdom in Prov. 8:32-36 (read)

You have heard the Truth.

What will you do with it?

2) Paul then turns to the parents--and particularly the fathers.

Why does he address only the fathers?

It's not because mothers don't ever provoke their children,

no, Paul knows the human heart too well to suppose that mothers are perfect!

Rather, in this statement, Paul addresses both fathers and mothers.

The husband is the head of the wife,

and so he should provide leadership in the parenting of the children.

This does not eliminate the responsibility of the mother,

rather this is a direct stab at the tendency of fathers

to ignore their family responsibilities.

The whole of Scripture gives direct commands

for fathers to be involved in the training of children

--especially in their spiritual training.

You are to be a model of God the Father in your love and care for your children.

When your children learn about who God is,

they will naturally think about the fatherhood of God

in terms of what you are like.

You will need to teach them that God is a much better Father than you are!

You will need to repent and ask them to forgive you

when you do not imitate your Father in Heaven.

So Parents, do not provoke your children

What does it look like to provoke your children?

Obvious examples would include

mocking them, laughing at them, or yelling at them.

But these are all active provocations.

There are also passive provocations.

You can provoke your children by

ignoring them, neglecting to forgive them,

or even forgetting to go to their baseball game.

I'm sure that all of you are familiar with the good advice to be consistent in your discipline.

But I know that some people say that if you have to be consistent,

you should have low standards.

After all, then you can be consistent!

Unfortunately, this is one of the worst ways you can provoke your kids.

If you are in Christ,

then you should be reflecting

the mercy, kindness, humility and forgiveness of Christ.

But if you are allowing your children to sin without disciplining them,

then you are mindlessly pushing them away from Christ.

If you will not rebuke them,

and gently lead them back to the way in which they should go,

then you are encouraging them to become rebels against God.

Now this doesn't mean that you should be a strict drill-sergeant.

Rather it means that you should rebuke sin and encourage obedience to Christ.

It means that you should seek to understand your child's heart.

Look for the sinful patterns that are developing,

and wisely draw them away from the snare of sin and death,

leading them in the path of righteousness.

1. Why is this so important?

Paul says, "Lest they become discouraged"

What does this mean?

Let's start with God as the gentle Father

God is the heavenly Father who cares for his people.

This fleshes itself out in lots of ways

1) God feeds his children (in the wilderness, but especially with X--I Cor 10)

2) God clothes his children (Adam and Eve, but especially with X--Col 3)

3) God forgives his children (the centuries of rebellion, but esp in X)

4) God spends time with his children (establishing the temple/prophets, but HS)

5) God gives his children good gifts (Jesus teaching--esp. the HS Luke 11:13)

6) God disciplines his children (Heb 13)

You are called to imitate our heavenly Father,

as you shephered your children's hearts.

2. How?

1) You are to feed your children

(and show them how this reflects God provision)

2) You are to clothe your children

(and use this to teach them about the clothing of Christ)

3) You are to forgive your children

(because you are forgiven in Christ--3:13)

4) You are to spend time with your children

(as a living example of Christ's presence with us)

5) You are to give your children good gifts

(which point them toward the gift of the HS

--they didn't have X-mas presents then, gifts were useful things)

[Eph 4--Christ gave gifts to the church--what were those gifts]

6) You are to discipline your childrenf

Your discipline is supposed to teach your children

about the sinful cursedness of sin,

and the blessings of new life in Christ.

Let me make one point REALLY clear:

Discipline is NOT primarily about their behavior!

There is a parallel with church discipline.

Church discipline is about restoring a sinning brother or sister.

Family discipline is EXACTLY the same thing.

You are not merely trying to get them to behave,

you are trying to show them how much God hates sin.

This is hard.

Why?

Because YOU are a sinner.

Often you don't care about their heart.

All you want is for that child to simply shut up and get out of your hair.

Brothers and sisters in Christ,

THAT is provoking your child to discouragement.

You have been made a new creature in Christ.

You have died with HIM, and you are no longer the old sinner that you used to be!

So now Christ calls you to live up to who he has remade you to be.

When you discipline your child,

DON'T emphasize the behavior.

Emphasize the heart.

When I was in seminary I lived for two years with a family

with three boys under the age of five.

Yeah, they were a handful!

But their parents taught me an awful lot about parenting.

You might say that I served as a parental intern at the Igo Family Training Center!

One day two of the boys were fighting over a toy.

Their father walked into the room,

knelt down beside them,

and asked,...

What would you have asked?

"Who had it first?"

That's the obvious question, right?

But no, Steve didn't ask that question.

Lucas may have had the toy first,

but when Jonathan grabbed it,

what was Lucas thinking?

Was Lucas more interested in his own selfish interests,

or was he looking out for the interests of others

--in this case his three year old brother.

So Steve knelt down and asked the boys,

"why are you fighting?"

Over the next couple minutes he untangled the web of sin and bitterness

that had crept into the boys hearts.

Jonathan was saying "me, me, me!"

and was grabbing from Lucas;

but Lucas wasn't innocent either.

Lucas was also saying, "me, me, me!"

and was fighting back,

rather than turning the other cheek.

You may think that neither four year old Lucas

nor three year old Jonathan was capable of understanding sin and selfishness

--but I can assure you that they understood

that the attitude of "me, me, me!" was not pleasing to God!

Even 18-month old Matthew understood that!

But Steve didn't stop there.

He then showed Lucas and Jonathan how they could share,

how they could look for ways to give to each other,

rather than take from each other.

And he grounded all of it in what Jesus Christ had done for them on the cross.

I saw a dramatic change in that household

from the day that I moved in

to the day that I moved out.

No, they aren't perfect.

I lived with them for two years, remember!

But I saw three little boys who grew in grace over those two years

--and three adults, for that matter!

Every child can understand what sin is.

Every child can understand what grace is.

Your task as parents is to teach them,

by word and by example,

what the gospel is all about.

If you fail to put into practice what you have learned,

then

they will become discouraged;

they will think that Christianity is a bunch of hogwash,

because they have never seen in you what they KNOW to be right.

What are some practical things that you can use in your family?

1) Forgive one another as Christ forgave you. (v13)

When you have sinned against your kids

--or against your parents (it goes both ways)

--ask them to forgive you.

When they have sinned against you,

be ready and eager to forgive,

and seek godly reconciliation.

This may sound simple, but I guarantee you that if you do this from the heart,

it will change YOU.

It may not change them,

but it will change you!

2) "Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom,

teaching and admonishing one another

in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,

singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

The Word of God needs to be central in your family.

Read the Bible together at dinner time,

before you go to bed,

or some other regular time during the day.

And SING!

Get a couple hymnals or songbooks,

and sing together!

It doesn't matter whether you have a good voice,

but sing while you're working together,

playing together,

or when you are doing your family worship time.

But let me warn you:

if family worship becomes simply another thing to do,

it will fail.

The Word of Christ is not something that you do once a day

--like flossing your teeth.

The Word of Christ is to be a part of everyday life.

It must dwell in you.

When you are talking about what's going on at work,

search the Scriptures to find out how God would have you handle difficulty.

When you are excited about some accomplishment,

read a Psalm of thanksgiving, like Psalm 100,

and then get out your hymnal and sing,

"All Creatures that on Earth Do Dwell, Sing to the Lord with cheerful voice!"

(It can be tone-deaf as long as it's cheerful!)

Who cares how weird you feel,

if it's right, do it!

My friend, David, has a habit of praying an awful lot.

Whenever he's talking with you about a difficult situation,

he will stop and say, "Well, let's pray about it!"

When you tell him how you've had victory over a certain sin,

he'll spontaneously break out into praise!

And it's not forced,

it's a habit.

it's a discipline of prayer.

This is the same man who has disciplined himself

to constantly be looking out for the best interests of his wife and kids.

It all fits together.

Putting sin to death is not easy.

It takes hard work.

It takes discipline.

But those who are called "the elect of God, holy and beloved," (in v12)

are also called in one body to let the peace of God RULE their hearts (v15).

We are not to rule ourselves,

but we are to let the peace of God rule us.

Parents, children,

since you have died with Christ, and been raised to newness of life in him,

live like it!

Children, obey your parents in all things

--in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God,

YOUR FATHER, through Him.

And Parents, do not provoke your children,

but teach them about their heavenly Father,

through your words and deeds,

shepherding their hearts even as Christ, the Good Shepherd,

leads you both.